Known Better
by OTPTrashFF
Summary: Set in 12x07. Leading up to and including Jackson & April's second dinner & the "talk" we didn't get to see. Canon.
1. Chapter 1 - The Right Thing

**So I thought I mustn't be the only one who wanted to know how the second dinner went and what led to them ending up in bed. So thought I'd give this a shot. It'll be short, 3-4 chapters. T for now. First fic so please be kind.**

 **All mistakes are mine & characters are Shonda Rhimes & company's.**

Jackson's mind was swimming. He was driving to not-so-his-apartment & trying to organize his thoughts before attending what was going to be one of the worst dinners of his life. So okay, he felt a bit embarrassed and pretty stupid that he didn't notice Bailey & Ben getting tired of him hogging their couch but in his defense there was a reason.

A beautiful, infuriating reason that had made him lose all common sense. April. His wife. Well, soon to be ex-wife. No matter how uncomfortably his stomach twisted when he thought about the divorce he was definitely ( _definitely_ ) going to bring up tonight, he convinced himself that it was the right thing to do. He loved her. And frankly couldn't imagine ever not being in love with her but the damage was too great. He believed that instead of holding on to shreds of what they once had, moving on would serve them both better.

He would bring it up tonight, it made no sense to stretch it out when this is what he wants (what he should want, at least). He didn't want April to get her hopes up (Or did he?... _No_.). He already felt himself starting to soften ever since the dinner party. He hadn't paid much attention to it at first. Convinced himself that even if their marriage didn't work out, April always has been and always will be an integral part of his life and being civil to her was the only way to keep her in his life at least as a friend.

Yes. They could be friends again. Not like they used to be but they could leave this pain behind and find a way. He ignored how fake and seemingly impossible that sounded even in his head because the thought of losing her completely wasn't something he could handle yet and would probably make him chicken out of the conversation for the second day in a row. But after working on Kamal, he knew that he had to discuss the divorce with April before he started talking himself out of it.

As much as he wanted to help the kid, his fundamental motivation to put in everything was April. Her faith in him. Her desperation to help Kamal made Jackson desperate to help Kamal. Does this bother him? Yes. Not because it makes him question himself as a surgeon or a doctor but because he genuinely believed that she didn't have that kind of power over him anymore . At least she shouldn't. But she does. He would still move mountains if it meant getting her to smile like that. Is this normally how a guy asking for a divorce feels? He ignores the question, knowing what the answer is and that's not a road to go down now. Nevertheless, he was pretty elated that he had helped out a child in a pretty life altering way and April was to be thanked for that.

It was all well and good till that hug. That fucking, life ruining hug. The hug that was followed by an overwhelming, soul crushing desire for him to grab April and kiss her with all that he had. The hug that had kept him up for two days straight thinking about how much he missed her, how right it felt to have her in his arms again and that had awoken his long dormant primal feelings. It had him thinking about her lips, her body flush against his and how he hadn't had sex with her in 5 months and hadn't really made love to her since, well, since before Samuel's diagnosis.

That's when he knew. Knew that he was going to start rethinking things and questioning his decision. Honestly, he knows how easy it would be to give in, to try to work things out. He has no doubt about his feelings for her or hers for him. But he wasn't sure that their feelings were enough anymore. Losing Sam took a toll on them both and they both handled it differently. He felt that he needed to be strong and silence himself for her. She needed control, the ability to save people that were in an impossible situation. He understood that. Which was why he sincerely hoped that once she got back the first time, they could begin healing together. But her desire to go back gutted him in a way that blindsided him. She didn't need him to heal like he needed her and that broke him. April broke him. That is what he felt for the 3 months that she was gone. That even with their relationship on the line, she still chose to go. Even if there's more to it than that, that was the only thing that stuck with him.

He loved her, always will but tonight a decision needed to be made and as unsettling or upsetting or downright nauseating as it is, he will talk to her about it. He chickened out last night, partly because it _was_ really nice having a meal with her after so long and partly because he was distracted by how utterly gorgeous she looked. But he will get himself to focus tonight and although highly unlikely, he hopes that April finally understands his prerogative and they can get through this in the most civilized way possible and look back on their time together as a happy one.

He pulled up near the Apartment complex and sighed, willing away the slight tears stinging his eyes. This was right. This was what needed to be done. He picked up the bottle of wine and worked his way to the apartment. He couldn't help but feel that under different circumstances, this would feel like a perfect date night. April cooking, him coming home with wine, talking, laughing, kissing, sex.

At this, Ben's voice filled his head; _"I need to have sex with my wife"._ Jackson shook his head. As much as Jackson wanted or needed to have sex with _his_ wife, that was exactly what he had come to put a permanent end to tonight. He felt a sudden urge to turn around and run but he worked up the courage to knock on the door and waited for it to open.

-  
 **Thoughts? Suggestions? This was more to get an idea of Jackson's headspace during the dinner. Next chapter will explore April's. Please review!**


	2. Chapter 2 - Me & Him

**So this chapter explores April's POV about everything that's going on. We haven't seen much about her motivations behind returning to Jordan so this has my take on it.**

 **The characters are not mine (they would have way more sex if they were).**

She needs it to be perfect. That's all April is thinking as she's putting the lasagna in the oven. The lasagna has to be perfect. Her cooking had always been a thing between them. Jackson loved to eat and she loved to cook; especially for him. Even back when they were just friends, on the rare occasion that they both had a night off, she would make dinner and he'd come home with beer, settling in for a movie that was mostly her choice. She smiled remembering that, how neither of them ever seemed to notice the intimacy of it all. Even Alex's occasional off hand comments of them being "married without benefits" never bothered either of them. That was then. Before they became something, before he became _everything_.

It was one of the reasons she resorted to cooking that night. _That_ night. The first time he mentioned divorce. It's not like she didn't know that was where his head was at. After all, he _was_ asking her to move out but to hear the word from his mouth crushed her. No matter how crazy she was acting (and she was acting _pretty_ crazy), she hadn't expected him to bring it up so off handedly and then just walk out. In retrospect, she knows that it was too soon at the time. She hates that it took him moving out for her to realize it but she had been pushing way too hard when he wasn't ready at all; which is why she decided to step back after that night. To give him some space from her constant badgering and maybe he would come around to talking about them. In the meantime, every day that she saw him at the hospital, before looking at his face, her eyes would automatically be drawn to his left hand, looking for reassurance that the marriage she was fighting for was still there. She honestly didn't know what she would do if she saw him without the ring but thankfully that hadn't happened and she can't help but hope that it never will.

April sat at the table that she had set up dressed in a black dress. She kept it simple because she didn't want to read too much into their dinner and scare him off by assuming too much. She hated that it had come to this, all this tip toeing around each other's feelings felt too much like it was when they were broken up and the fact that even after going through so much, they were back here and she couldn't help but feel responsible.

She wouldn't apologize for going to Jordan for the first time. Leaving him alone for a year was terrible. She knew it then and she knows it now. But she _needed_ to find a way to heal. It was for him as much as it was for her. She was a shell of her former self. She felt it and she saw it in his eyes too. Going was the only thing that made her feel the rush she used to feel before everything. As selfish as it may seem on the surface, expecting Jackson to be okay with a broken wife would be just as selfish and she didn't want that; she wanted _them_ back. The old them. She had helped out so much there, had taught techniques that ended up saving people that would be dead if she wasn't there to teach them. She couldn't apologize for that.

When things didn't go back to normal after her return, she felt it was because she didn't have closure in Jordan because they were ordered out so suddenly. She felt as though there were things she still needed to wrap up and once she did that, she can go back to being herself. At least that's what she told herself. After Jackson's ultimatum, it took her a week, between crying and thinking, to decide. She knew this feeling of emptiness wouldn't go away if she stayed. Jackson needed her but she wasn't _her_ yet and even though he wouldn't be as mad as he is now, she would have lost him anyway. She would have resented him, unfairly, but would have. That he took away her chance at being whole for them. They both felt the difference in the time that she was back the first time. _They_ weren't back yet and staying back would have just kept them in that limbo. Their marriage deserved better than that. She remembers the look in his eyes when she told him. He shut down. Unreceptive to her pleas begging him to understand that it was the only way their marriage had a shot.

There were a few things she had realized during her second tour. The first being that she didn't need to be there as much as she thought she did; not just because of Jackson but because although in the past year, she had helped and taught a lot, she didn't have anything new to give. Even if just helping was rewarding, they could handle it without her there too. The real kicker was that even if it seemed like she put her marriage under the bus for no reason, she wouldn't have realized this if she hadn't come, wouldn't have realized that she had already made a difference enough to have a ripple effect that would in turn help so many people now and in the future.

The other thing she realized had hit her like a ton of bricks. That she hadn't been a good wife. There was no other way to put it. Right from the beginning, Jackson had stepped up. Regarding her insecurities, her faith, her beliefs, whatever issues that may have risen, he had effectively shut them down. She pushed the lump down her throat when she realized that she couldn't think of a single instance where she did that for him. Thinking of Sam still caused her a lot of pain but in moments like this, she couldn't help but. She doesn't remember having a single conversation with Jackson that focused on how _he_ was dealing with it, the diagnosis or the aftermath. _"Whatever you need.. I'm here"_. She closed her eyes remembering his words. How hard was it to say that? Why couldn't she have said that to him as well. Sure, he didn't tell her anything or open up to her either but.. It all boiled down to this. A whole bunch of could-have, would-have, should-have. Which is why it pained her to think that she might have realized all this too late. She needed a chance. _One_ chance to make it right.

Meredith's dinner was when she felt the shift, the hope rising. He was gentler, more receptive. Once again in her corner, defending her before she started spiraling thinking about her hand in killing a child's mother. _"Your dinner was excellent tonight"_. She smiled thinking about it, it was back to the cooking.

She wasn't sure where they stood when she brought up Kamal which was the reason that she lied about the scans. She knew it was wrong but she had really taken to the little boy and just didn't want to risk Jackson reacting the way he did without even meeting the kid. She couldn't help the smile on her face when he decided to try. All her emotions were jumbled up and her reaction seemed to transcend her concern for Kamal. Watching him operate with such determination overwhelmed her, she was consumed by how much she loved him and how much she can't imagine her life without him and every time he looked up at her from the OR, that feeling multiplied.

He didn't need to thank her when he did. Jackson not only changed Kamal's life that day, but he saved it as well. _"We did it"._ A simple phrase and she was transported back to a bar in San Francisco. _"Me & you"_. Before everything changed. All she wanted in that moment was to be near him. To be held by her husband. They fell into each other and she held on to him like her life depended on it and he seemed to do the same. It had been so long and she could still feel his breath on her neck and his hand on her hair. She could see he wanted to kiss her, his eyes were on her lips and his hands on her face but he pulled back and disappointment washed over her. They finally seemed on the same page and watching him walk away, she felt defeated.

As elated as she was about him asking her to dinner, the more that she thought about it, the her paranoia started acting up. After months of avoiding, if he really wanted to talk now, it could either mean something good or something really, _really_ bad. If it were something good, wouldn't he just have come right out and said it? Now she couldn't shake the feeling that his procrastination in broaching the topic meant.. She shook her head. Last night had be wonderful and Jackson wasn't one to beat around the bush. He would just come right out and say it. It sounded more like she was convincing herself because considering the alternative would make her hyperventilate. One way or another, she would coax it out of him tonight. She loves him. Has only ever loved him and if he truly believed that he would be happier without her in his life, she will do it for him. Even if it destroys her, she will put him first. _Finally_.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock and she quickly wiped away the tears in her eyes and straightened herself up. She walked to the door taking a deep breath and opened it coming face to face with the love of her life.

"Hi".

 **So what do we think?. Does it seem convincing enough? I'd love to know your thoughts. I also have some free time so I'll be hopefully completing this fairly quickly. Review pls :)**


	3. Chapter 3 - Inevitable

**This was a tough one to write. We know that they didn't end up actually talking on the dinner. So this is what I think might have happened. Both Jackson & April POVs.**

 **Also to all the people who reviewed, fav'd or followed, thank you!**

 **Characters are not mine.**

"Hi". April smiled.

As soon as Jackson locked eyes with April, he hated himself. Hated that the last thing he thought of before knocking was sex, hated that before he could even muster up a greeting, his eyes involuntarily raked over April's body and he had to swallow roughly to focus. _"I need to have sex with my wife"_. He shook his head and met her eyes again.

"Hey. Umm.. I brought wine."

"Huh?.. Oh. Thanks. Come on in." April didn't really know how else to respond as she was having difficulty focusing on anything except how Jackson was looking at her. She was familiar with that look and what it usually led to but given everything that was going on, it just confused her. It also didn't help that he looked the way he did and as he took off his jacket, she saw that he was wearing a button down shirt with the sleeves folded up that made her insides twist.

Jackson handed her the bottle and stepped inside. He needed to clear his head, he was here with a goal and shouldn't really be surprised by how good she looked because come on, when didn't she? He let out a breath and followed her inside, willing himself to not let his eyes wander and failing. It had been a while since he had been here. Leaving was a rash decision but he was glad he made it, he couldn't shut her out of their home but he needed space. Looking back, he probably should have stuck with a hotel but he had booked one from tonight so better late than never. He watched her walk towards the kitchen to get glasses and he immediately followed to open the bottle, falling into old patterns easily.

"It smells great! Lasagna?" _Small talk is good_ , _Safe._

"Yeah. It was a tossup between turkey casserole and that, actually. But I decided to go with lasagna coz I found a new recipe and wanted to try it. Although I'm just realizing that we had pasta last night as well so I really hope you don't mind. I guess I could whip up something else in the meantime.." She wasn't sure why she rambling but there was a pit in her stomach, a nervousness that she hadn't felt around him in a while. She looked up and saw Jackson smirking, the infuriating smirk that made her want to kiss it right off. _No_. "What?" She asked defensively.

"You're rambling. That's what. April _,_ " A chill ran down her spine at the way her name rolled off his tongue and how his voice lowered, "Do you really think I mind having anything that _you've_ made? Come on."

"Well, I thought I'd ask. I was being a nice host." April replied, shrugging.

"In my house?" Jackson said as a joke but immediately regretted it as he saw April freeze. _Nice going,_ _Idiot._ "Hey.. I didn't mean.. "

"No, I know. It's fine." April was immediately taken back to that night. _"It's my name on the lease, it's my place"._ But she shook it off, they didn't need to go down that path right now. She walked up to him, smiling slightly and started pouring the drink in their glasses. Jackson looked down at her, mentally kicking himself for his slip up. He needed this to be civil and he hoped that he hadn't messed it up already. He heard her sigh and suddenly realized how close she was. He could smell her perfume and his mind started going fuzzy. He looked away before she could look up at him and catch him staring.

"Dinner will take a few minutes. I hope you don't mind" She said, starting towards the couch. "Not at all." He followed her, mentally berating himself _again_ for how he was acting. _What are you, 16? Focus._ He didn't know what had come over him tonight, this was _April._ Yeah, he loved her and yeah, he did _want_ her but that was always the case except tonight it was hitting him hard. The last time they both were alone in this, _their_ , apartment, he had been so fixated on his anger, the betrayal he felt that all of his base desires had taken a comfortable backseat.

Things were different now, they were in good, well, good enough, place and those desires seemed to be getting restless in that backseat. That, combined with all their memories associated with this house, suddenly made Jackson realize what he had gotten himself into. _No._ He was, in fact, _not_ 16\. He can have a dinner and a civil conversation without ripping off.. _Stop!_ He audibly groaned while sitting down on the couch and April looked at him with curious eyes. He just smiled and shook his head, taking a sip. This was a good time, he decided. Dinner will take some time and all these confusing thoughts were not helping but once he brought up divorce, _that_ would certainly be off the table. Yeah. This was it. He looked towards her and saw her lick wine off her lips and he swallowed hard.

Concentrating, he started, "So.. Uhh.. We should talk.". She looked up, taking a deep breath and putting her wine glass down, "Yeah. We should. Tell me." She looked at him with all her conviction, bracing herself. He took a beat and said, "Umm.. How.. How was work today?" _Chicken._ She narrowed her eyes at that.. "Jackson.." She always did see right through him. "What? I genuinely want to know.." _CHICKEN!_

April felt the fear settle in her stomach and now she was pretty sure that this was not heading anywhere good but if he needed time to get to it, she'll give it to him, it's not like she wants to hear those words anyway. "Umm.. Ok.." She actually had a pretty interesting day at work so she started telling him all about it but her mind was in a world of its own. He was confusing her tonight, she noticed the way he had been avoiding eye contact or how many times she caught him staring at, well, not-her-face and how his gaze darkened when they happened to lock eyes. Jackson knew what his proximity did to her but he was still making no efforts to hid his obvious attraction all the while trying to "talk", it was all too much for her head to handle.

She looked up at him and suddenly lost her (multiple) trains of thought, her stomach twisting in a mixture of fear and want and she involuntarily bit her lower lip. Jackson, who had been listening to her animated description of the Pit with a mild interest and a slight smile, noticed this and stiffened. The smile disappeared and his eyes caught hers with a primal look. She saw him lick his lips and his eyes falling to her lips and back. He made a slight movement towards her when the oven timer rang breaking them out of the spell.

April looked away first, flustered. "The uhh.. lasagna is probably done. I'll go check on it". She hurried away.

Jackson made sure that his eyes didn't follow April as she went towards the kitchen because he wasn't sure if would be able to keep himself from following her and giving in to the desire that had flooded him since he had come. He closed his eyes, trying to concentrate. He wasn't thinking straight. Not anymore. And was fairly certain that he wasn't in the right frame of mind to talk. _New Plan._ Eat dinner, smile politely, make an excuse, thank her and leave. He had lost faith in his will power and prolonging the stay here was just going to confuse him further. They weren't going anywhere, he can talk to her tomorrow, in a public place where he could control himself.

April grasped the kitchen counter and tried to get her breathing to regulate and heartbeat to slow down. _What is going on?!_ This was her fault. Why did she have to do that? She couldn't seem to stop her head from going in _that_ direction but this was not the time. _Stop acting like a freaking schoolgirl!._ She bent down to open the oven and remove the lasagna but was too distracted to put on the oven mitts and ended up touching the hot dish directly, "Owww! Crap." She pulled back immediately, running towards the freezer for some ice.

"What happened?" Jackson was pulled out his thoughts with April's voice. "Did you try to take out the lasagna from the _oven_ without mitts? Isn't that like baking 101?" He asked, walking towards her, in a half concerned, half amused tone. "I uhh.. I was just... " She trailed off, not wanting to make eye contact. "Let me see." Jackson asked reaching for her hand. April was reluctant, he was too close and there was only so long she could stare at her hands before she had to look up at him and damn if his eyes didn't make her weak even after all this time.

"I hope you don't do this often" Jackson said taking her hand. "It happens from time to time, comes with the territory". April replied, still not looking at him. "Not a good territory then. Maybe you should stay away from oven-related cooking" He murmured, examining her hand. "It's fine. I love baking and if you love something, you should be prepared to get hurt sometimes." She meant it as a joke, to lighten things but didn't quiet assess how heavy that sounded in that moment. She felt him freeze and finally looked up to see him staring down at her hand. Jackson stopped his inspection and cleared his throat. "Uhh.. Well. It doesn't look too bad" "Yeah. It's not hurting or anything. Should be fine". She replied, stepping away.

She served them both and they sat at the table quietly. For a while, there were only sounds of them eating, neither knowing what to say and having a million things on their minds. Jackson decided to stick with his new plan. They were both clearly distracted tonight and not in the right frame of mind to discuss anything, he just needed to leave before things got more complicated. "This is delicious!" _Back to small talk._ "I love it!" April looked up, "Oh! Thank you!" She said, with a genuine smile, "Arizona suggested it. Said that it would and I quote 'Change my life'." She continued, laughing slightly. "I actually looked up the recipe for pumpkin ravioli. I knew I had to know how to make it. Thinking of trying it next week" She trailed off, needing to fill the silence. "Can't wait to try it!" Jackson replied, smiling, finishing off his lasagna. "Would you like some more?" April asked noticing him clean up but he shook his head, "Nah, I'm good. But it was amazing. Thanks."

They both walked out of the kitchen after cleaning up, Jackson's eyes betraying him yet again as they skimmed over April. She really did look amazing, the dress fitting her perfectly and not a hair out of place. He sighed, bringing himself back. _Leave_. "So, listen. I hate to dine and dash and I know we had to talk.. But I totally spaced and forgot that I have a really early surgery tomorrow that I have to get in and prep for so raincheck? If you're free tomorrow at lunch, maybe we can.." April knew he was lying and he knew that she knew it. But it was probably for the best that he left. The atmosphere was too charged to have a rational discussion and she was _this_ close to jumping him as it is. She looked at him and smiled, "Yeah. I understand. I have a pretty free day tomorrow so we can get lunch."

Jackson picked up his jacket, wearing it as they started walking towards the door, not saying anything. He opened the door and looked back, "Thanks for dinner. It was perfect, as usual". She smiled at that, "Of course! Thanks for coming.". They stood awkwardly for a minute. What _was_ the goodnight protocol for spouses-on-a-break? She looked up and saw him staring down earnestly. She knew she shouldn't do it, she should say Goodnight and let him go but she couldn't. It's not too bad, right? They hugged a few weeks ago and it was fine. She stepped towards him, arms opening up a bit.

He saw her stepping in for a hug and pulled her in immediately, just like always. He just wanted to be close to her for a minute. He could handle it. He shifted his head slightly while also taking in a deep breath and her smell filled his senses, overwhelming him. It hit him all at once. The shooting, the friendship, the first kiss, the first night, the want, the wedding, Samuel, April, _April_.

 _Fuck it._

 **Ok. I hope that the awkwardness and sexual tension came through. Also, I haven't decided how smutty (if at all) the next chapter will be. I've never written smut so I don't know if I'd be any good at it. Review :)**


	4. Chapter 4 - Right or Good or Satisfying

**Alrighty, the rating's changed now. Tee hee hee.. I didn't think it would but I guess my Japril loving heart hasn't gotten enough sex scenes of late so my imagination went into overdrive. Anyhoo, super nervous so let me know what you all think!**

 **Once again, thanks for the reviews, they make my heart happy!**

 **Characters aren't mine! :)**

Jackson's lips crushed April's before his brain could stop him. His hand tangled in her hair and his tongue met hers as an unforeseen cloud of desire flooded through him. There was still a part of his head, trying to reason with him. _Stop this, Step back, Walk away_. But hearing April groan, all the logic was out the window and he let his body take over. He slammed the door shut with his right hand while pushing April up against it with his left, lips not leaving hers.

April lost all semblance of self when she felt his lips against hers after God knows how many months. His tongue fused with hers, his hands on her body, in her hair; it all just felt like home and she didn't have it herself to stop it even if it might end up complicating things further. Her hands went to the sides of his face, pulling him in further as she felt herself trapped between the door and his body, she needed him closer. As she went to take off his jacket, she felt herself being pulled up as Jackson lifted her off her feet, taking her inside. _This is really happening._

He felt his jacket drop somewhere in the corridor and she pulled away for air, kissing him down his neck. He closed his eyes and swallowed, trying desperately to clear his head and failing. He walked towards the kitchen counter and sat her down on one of the bar stools, capturing her lips once again. _I love her. I want her. I need her._ That's all he could think as his hand slipped under her dress, caressing her thighs. Her slight gasp made him groan. Her reaction to him, her sensitivity to his touch had always been a turn on and that hadn't changed. His hands slowly moved upwards, feeling as much of her as he could, giving her all the time to slap his hand (and him) away. But she didn't. Her hands were all over his face and his body, pulling him closer. April pulled away and gasped as she felt his hand touch her, breathing heavily. His hand reached the top of her underwear and he looked at her, finally making eye contact. She looked up at him, eyes hooded in desire and all the air went straight out of his lungs. She looked so beautiful, so sexy that he couldn't help but want her. He played with the waistband of her underwear, all the while keeping eye contact, silently asking for permission.

She lifted herself up slightly, arms on his shoulder, giving him the go ahead as he slowly pulled her panties down her legs, throwing it across the room. His fingers quickly found her center and she felt jolts of electricity pass through her as she felt the only person who had ever seen all of her, touched all of her. His fingers teased her mercilessly, touching but not really. She felt him smile against her neck as she growled in frustration. _Two can play at this game._ She quickly unbuttoned his shirt, letting it fall on the floor and her hands ran against his back, scratching him slightly as she kissed his chest. She felt his smile fade away and his breathing became ragged when she brushed her hands lightly against the front of his jeans. His lips left her skin and his head fell on her shoulder as April continued to torture him. "April..." he growled in desperation and pulled her head back by her hair to look at her.

When Jackson's eyes met April's, she was smirking, proud of herself for making him lose control. He bit his lip, half smirking himself, he was a little proud of himself for getting her to explore this part of herself, her sexuality. Being the only person April had ever been with, still gave him a strange rush of pride and desire. _You do realize that if you divorce her, that will eventually change, right?._ His eyes darkened at the thought, at the rush of possessiveness that passed through him as his lips descended on hers again and his fingers entered her swiftly making her moan against his mouth. She pulled away, eyes closed, lips between her teeth, breathing heavily and if he wasn't already desperately in love with her, that sight would definitely do it. She opened her eyes and looked at him with determination, "Take me to bed, Jackson". He picked her up again, not breaking eye contact, his fingers still in her (He _had_ mastered carrying her one-armed) and made way to their bedroom.

He pulled out of her and set her on her feet, spinning her around so that her back was pressed against his chest as she kicked off her sandals. He found the zipper of her dress and undid it quickly while his lips assaulted her neck. Her head fell back against his chest when he unhooked her bra and pulled her dress and bra off simultaneously while touching as much of her as he could. As the remaining of her clothes fell to the ground, she turned around to face him again and he had swallow roughly to gather himself at the sight of her naked in front of him. She undid his jeans without breaking eye contact and pulled it down, along with his underwear, low enough till gravity took over. After he took off his shoes and stepped out of the clothes gathered at his ankles, they stood there, hands all over each other, eyes never leaving each other's, for a minute till April started pulling him back towards the bed.

Jackson pulled her to the top of the bed and kissed her with everything he had. Feeling her in his arms, under him, he couldn't help but feel a sense of happiness he hadn't in a really long time. He pinned her down into the mattress with his body, grasping her hand and placing it above her head and entered her slowly, looking at her intensely as April let out a silent scream, gasping but not looking away either.

April felt complete for the first time in forever. Ever since... Something had been missing but as she looked up at her husband and felt him thrust into her, all her senses went in overdrive, like he was touching every nerve ending. She didn't know what had changed but all she could do was savor it. The next thrust went through her body like a shock and made her toes curl, "Jackson!". Her brain stopped functioning then and all she could do was feel.

There had always been something about sex with April. Till this day, he didn't know how they'd had such an immediate, powerful, physical connection but the sex was always exceptional. _Something that feels this good cannot be bad._ That was until circumstances got the better of them but feeling her writhe under him now, he closed his eyes, reveling in the feel of her around him, it felt right. He looked down at her, her eyes closed, breathing lightly, he knew she was close. Seeing her come apart, hit him. All he could do was stare at the woman he loved, his person, the mother of his child, who made him lose control, who left him, who broke him. All the emotions overwhelmed him and he felt himself fall over the edge.

Coming down from her high, April couldn't help the smile on her face. _That was.._ When she felt Jackson stiffen and release himself, she held on to him, wanting him as close as possible. Then he tried to get his breathing to regulate and caught her eyes. She looked at him and saw his brows furrow, eyes glancing between her eyes and lips, not wanting to maintain eye contact and the slight smile wiped off her face instantly. He gave her a small peck and rolled off her and she whimpered at the loss, breathing heavily. She tried to collect her thoughts of everything that had happened between the dinner and now and that's when knew.. She pushed down the lump in her throat. _I guess that's it._

Rolling off of her, Jackson's furrowed expression gave way to a slight smile because of just how good that had felt. The happiness faded in an instant when the reality set in. _You shouldn't have done this_. Everything he had felt sure of before coming here was just tossed on its head and he didn't know what he wanted anymore. Didn't feel like he even wanted the divorce anymore.

 _Maybe that's exactly why you_ did _do this._

 **So? Good? Bad? Ugly? Lemme know..  
Next chapter's mostly the last. Just their thoughts at the beginning of 12x08. Reviews are love!**


	5. Chapter 5 - Where we go from here

**Alrighty. This is the last chapter in this fic, kind of sets up 12x08 and explores what was going on in their heads at the time.**

 **This was a lot of fun and I really want to thank everyone for their reviews, favs and suggestions!**

 **Characters are, unfortunately, not mine!**

 _"Jackson!.. Jackson!" April was shifting books on the shelf, looking for her waterproof headsets that_ someone _had borrowed yesterday, so she could take a shower with some music. But running around in a bathrobe was making her irritable and Jackson sleeping away wasn't helping. "Jackson, WAKE UP!". She heard a muffled "Mmmmm" in the background._ That is it.

 _"Jackson, come on.. You know I use them when I shower, just tell me where you kept them and then you can sleep all you like". She said walking towards the bed. As perfect as he looked asleep, naked, she had had enough. "For God's sake, JACKSON!" She shoved his shoulder and that's when he finally opened his eyes. "Okay, okay, I'm up. April, it's our day off. What are you doing?" He saw her standing there in a tiny bathrobe and it wasn't helping with his morning_ situation.

 _"I am going to take a shower, once you tell me where m.. waiit.. JACKSON!" She screamed slightly as he pulled her on to the bed, rolling them over and pinning her underneath him. He stared at her with pure desire "_ We.. _can shower later" Her husky tone made her shiver slightly as she could feel him, all of him, on her thigh. "Let me go" She replied without any conviction in her voice and he smirked._

 _"Do you know" he whispered in her ear, his hand reaching for the knot tying her bathrobe, "how a married couple, with the day off and nowhere to be all day, usually spends their time?" He asked, untying her robe and splaying his fingers on her stomach, pushing the robe away._

 _His touch made her breathless and she could feel her brain going fuzzy but replied, "I don't know.. Maybe they clean or", she gasped, feeling his hands on her breasts and his lips on her neck, "or cook or watch umm..", she felt his hand going downwards and couldn't string together coherent thoughts, "watch TV...". He smiled against her skin, "Maybe... But why do any of those things when I have something_ much _better planned?.." He said, his lips descending on hers, ending all conversation._

April looked down at her sleeping husband. _Husband for now_. Silently wiping away her tears at what had become of them, she left the room, fully dressed and ready to leave for the hospital. It was early, way too early to go in given her relatively surgery-free day but she couldn't face Jackson, couldn't hear the words she was sure he was going to say. She left him a little note, making an excuse and then hurried out of the apartment, making her way to her car. She saw his car parked and for a moment imagined that everything was fine, that she was just leaving early and not running away and hiding from her husband. She started the car, shaking her head. _In another life, maybe._

That's where his mind had been all through dinner. She knew it even then, her paranoia not being paranoia at all. April knew Jackson better than anyone else and all the tell tale signs were there. There was a resolve in his eyes when he convinces himself to do something unpleasant and just get it over with and she saw that last night except it wasn't as strong. She felt him falter, procrastinate and mostly just buy time. Why? She wasn't sure of that yet. Maybe because of the overwhelming sexual energy surrounding them. _Where had that come from?_ She didn't remember it being that strong since well, before the pregnancy scare. Obviously he had felt it too or he wouldn't have decided to leave without talking. Even if he did put it off, it doesn't change the fact. _He had come to tell you that he wants a divorce_. April couldn't control the sob that left her mouth. _Concentrate on driving._

She was scared about it all through dinner but after.. She knew. She had seen Jackson come apart in her arms hundreds of times and he always looked at her with such love, such adoration that it made her fall even more in love with him every time. Even their first time, he was so sweet even though she had asked him to leave. But last night, his expression made her feel like there was a finality to that moment, like a chapter was closing and in that moment, it all came together. Not like she had expected the sex _, the incredible sex_ , to fix them overnight but she'd hoped, for a second, that maybe the connection and the feelings involved were enough for him to hold on to. But she was through fooling herself, she had promised herself to put him first and she will stick to it but for now she just needed to savor this for some time, the feel of his arms, his lips, _him_. Life will never be the same for her without him in it and she just needed to put off this change till she could wrap her head around it.

That was why she had pretended to fall asleep immediately after because she knew that he'd want to talk. She had almost expected him to be gone when she woke up but Jackson Avery is nothing if not a gentleman. _He's an Avery after all_ and sneaking out of a girl's (your wife's) bed in the middle of the night? _Very unbecoming of an Avery_. She pulled up near the hospital, taking a deep breath to calm herself down. This was done. Nothing she could do about it but she needed time. She wasn't ready to hear those words yet.

 _Will you ever be, though?_

Jackson stirred slightly and then remembering where he was, got up with a start. Sitting up on the bed, he looked over and saw April's side of the bed, empty. _Excellent_. Running his hands over his face, he thought back to last night and felt his body come alive at the memory. _Stop it, dammit_. He fell back on the bed, not knowing where they went from here. Stepping out of the bed, he got dressed and headed towards the kitchen, silently hoping that April would be there. Not just because they needed to talk, which they did, but to relive the happier times for just a little while longer. He knew the kitchen would be empty given the complete silence but he was still disappointed. He found her note with her very hurried, very fake excuse and sighed.

Jackson left the apartment and made his way to The Archfield, freshened up and headed for the hospital while his body was on autopilot as his head was clearly occupied. Last night had confused him more than he thought was ever possible. The pull, the connection had been so great that he couldn't really regret it, even though in his head he knew should. It had just confused him and he couldn't even imagine what April must have felt about it. _Oh, God!_ He hadn't even thought about that yet and felt the guilt cloud him. There was no question about April's intentions when it came to their marriage or what she wanted. She wanted to work things out and last night could have given her the wrong idea. _Was it the wrong idea, though?_ "Ugh! Ugh, ugh, ugh!" He audibly groaned pulling up outside the hospital. When did everything get so complicated _. Why?_

As he entered the hospital, he spotted her, smiling her infectious smile, talking to a nurse. He bit his lip stopping the smile breaking out on his lips. _God, he loved her so much_. He saw her stiffen as she noticed him walking towards her and her smile turned into a stiff one that he didn't know how to judge.

"Hey." He didn't really know what else to say, frankly.

"Hi. Did you get my.. uhh.. note?" She asked, not making eye contact. Her discomfort was obvious but Jackson knew they needed to talk, now more than ever, "Yeah, I did. Thanks. So, umm.. are we still on for lunch?" He asked, hopefully. She looked at him with a contemplative expression and replied, getting up, "You know what, I have a super busy day.."

 _Wait, what?_ "Oh? I thought you said.."

"I have to go, I'll talk to you later!" She cut him off & he saw her running towards the elevator without looking back. _So she's avoiding. Great. Just fucking perfect._

Jackson entered his office, looking at the pile of proposals he needed to get through and huffed in frustration because he obviously wasn't present enough to make a wise decision. Nevertheless, he tried, unsuccessfully, to concentrate but his mind was in one place and once place only. _What has this woman done to me?_ He couldn't help but think about the last night, before the dinner, how sure he was about what he wanted, what he believed was the right thing for him, for them. And how annoying it was that now he wasn't sure of a single thing. He'd done this before, he recalled, walked away from her because he was hurt and wanted to protect himself all the while being head over heels in love with her. Where did that land him? Standing in the middle of a freaking barn, declaring his love for the bride. How different were things now? _Were they different at all?_ He knew nothing and that made him want to shred all the files and just leave.

Maybe they needed a third, unbiased opinion. Someone who could help them hash it out without all the feelings and attraction and hurt getting in the way. Callie and Arizona had done it, so had Hunt and Yang. His stomach twisted uncomfortably at the thought of where those marriages were now but at least they had tried. _It's not about the statistic, we aren't them._

He made his way down to the Pit after he was paged a few hours later. He saw April make her way to him, determined, "Dr Avery, Dr Hunt was looking for you".

 _Ah, more avoidance_. "Okay. I'll find him." He took a beat, "April.. " His voice lowered and she was avoiding looking at his eyes, _again_. "Can we talk, please?" He urged, they needed to do this but she continued to look down at her Ipad, and said, "Also bed 4 needs a consult asap".

That's when he felt his frustration rise, "God, April, come on.. You know we can't.. " That's when her pager went off, "Sorry, I've got to go, Arizona needs me." and with that, she hurried away. He watched her walk away from him the second time that day and felt a pang of loss hit his chest. He shook his head. They had to find a way. A way to.. _what_? Work it out? Let each other go? He didn't know but maybe if they talk, maybe if he knew where her head was at, maybe if they saw a counselor.

 _Maybe._

 **I left it open ended coz I wanted it to be canon compliant and I have no idea where we'll be come Feb. Hope you liked it!**

 **Thanks for taking out time to check out my little fic! I appreciate it.**


End file.
